This is an alleged transcript of the PM’s meeting with Mark Zuckerberg in California, from a completely unreliable source:
Modi: GM Mark.
Mark Zuckerberg: Mr Modi, sir, GM, GM. It’s an honour having you here. I am a great admirer, in awe of the things you have achieved.
Modi: I do all this for the glory of India.
Mark: I was actually talking about your having over 15 million followers on Twitter and a humongous number of friends on Facebook.
Modi: Chill, Mark.
Mark: I’m so impressed I’ve decided to invest a billion dollars in India.
Modi: I said LoL, laugh out loud. Only a billion?
Mark: Ok, make it five billion.
Modi: ROFL, rolling on floor laughing.
Mark: You drive a hard bargain, sir. Ten billion?
Mark: Oh my god. Ok, my final offer is twenty billion US dollars. Is that fine?
Modi: How about 50 billion?
Mark: 50? No, no, I really can’t do it.
Modi: Relax, just kidding. 20 billion is cool. Look forward to liking it on your FB timeline. Folks will know I promised AD and they’re getting it.
Mark: Alzheimer’s Disease?
Modi: Achhe Din.
Mark: Oh, sure.
Modi: Poke all your friends so that they see it. I’ll update our status to BFF?
Modi: Best friends forever. Forward this on WhatsApp: Best friends are like stars in the sky. You may not see them, but they’re there all the time.
Mark: Like. Will poke.
Modi: And will you RT it?
Mark: I’ll gladly retweet it.
Modi: You see, India is such a large and diverse country, a good communications strategy, especially a social communications strategy, is absolutely essential and we have to use all avenues. Oh shoot, I’ve used more than 140 characters. Let me rephrase that.
Mark: That’s fine. We don’t have a 140-character limit for talking.
Mark: I didn’t catch that.
Modi: I said ‘Thank God’. BTW, I met Sundar Pichai from Google.
Mark: Was it really Sundar, or was it Google Talk?
Modi: I think it was him.
Mark: One can never be sure. Besides, Google is now called Alphabet.
Modi: Good God, I used to call it Google Guru. Alphabet Guru has no alliteration. What do you think of Alphabet Acharya?
Modi: Let’s take a selfie. Do you have a cute cat?
Mark: No, why?
Modi: A selfie of us with a cute cat would be nice. Cute cats are the most trending on Twitter. Lots of likes on FB. Very popular on WhatsApp.
Mark: No cat, it’ll have to be just the two of us. Say cheese please.
Modi: Instagram it with the hashtag ‘epic’. That always works. When I met the Mongolian president he forgot to Instagram it. Total waste of a trip. I unfriended him immediately.
Modi: Ok. TTYL.Talk to you later.
Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. The views expressed are personal.