Scared of Feeling Lonely
I came across this article, titled “women in same sex relationship a fearful lot”. To put it in plain language: the title sucks!
I decided to read on. I agree with my fellow activists that women loving women do become victims of domestic violence. Yes it is true that many times, women in relationships and FtM trans-persons living with their girlfriends/wives cannot disclose their relationships in their neighborhood.
But then the hopeless optimist I am, I would dislike painting such a dark picture of the present and would love to provide you with an alternate viewpoint.
To start with, the fact that most of us are born as women makes us susceptible to violence from the time we are conceived. We are at risk of being aborted, when our parents are forced to make a choice it is our brothers who generally get the better education, and most probably we will be married off to some guy we like or not.
And if by mistake the family finds out that we actually love women then the entire process of finding a groom is generally sped up to sun-rays speed, finalized within two days and the marriage finished off in two weeks.
However, I also know that at some point we need to get beyond our myth of victimhood.
The realisation or acknowledgment to yourself that you are different, in our case we love women and/or our genders do not fit what society deems “normal”, might question your entire life till that point: all that the elders have been telling you, all that society tried to inculcate in you and often all you believe in yourself.
All we have at this point is: choice. Do I fight for my freedom and right to be me or do I succumb to the pressures put on me.
For those who have not gone through the decision it often sounds much easier than it is. Please consider that our entire social security network is at stake, we could lose our family’s support. And that is really, really scary.
Just because I love women does not mean I hate my family. Most of us are actually quite connected to our families; that makes it again difficult to take decisions against their wish.
On the way we sometimes realize that our biggest enemy is actually ourselves.
Further, many of us have simply not learnt to take decisions, since that has been the department of our parents, relatives and later husbands.
Now, with all these challenges in our package plus the fright of what the future will bring on a path less travelled we are definitely not the light-weight travelers through life.
However, I know a number of women and FtM persons who have travelled that path with all their packages and fears in tow.
And alas, for most of them it has been rewarding to be their own life’s boss and often realize on the way that parents are more resilient than we think.
No, it is not easy, but then: what is easy in life? Is it really easier to lock up all my feelings and lead a life I did not want?
And comes society: I have experienced that people are sometimes much more accepting than we would even dare to imagine, especially when we respect ourselves.
(First Published in http://sanginiindia.wordpress.com/)